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Pausing and Patience: Essential Executive Functioning Skills for Your 20s and Beyond

"Sometimes, you need to press pause to let everything sink in."— Sebastian Vettel, Formula One racing driver

 

Pausing and patience are essential skills for developing strong executive functioning. These abilities empower us to manage impulses, regulate emotions, and make thoughtful decisions. The practice of pausing and patience strengthens core executive functioning skills, such as self-awareness, time management, sustained attention, cognitive flexibility, prioritization, planning, persistence, and working memory. Together, pausing and patience create a foundation for more effective decision-making in both personal and professional life.


The Power of the Pause

In a world that prioritizes doing over being, pausing can feel counterintuitive. Yet clarity often emerges in stillness. As Maria Shriver highlighted in her 2012 commencement address, The Power of the Pause, intentional breaks allow us to reflect, reset, and refocus on our values and goals. Shriver urged graduates to “put down their devices, check in with themselves, and be grateful.” She advised pausing when in doubt, evaluating options, and aligning actions with what truly matters.


Cues to Pause

HALT Strategy - Pause when Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired
HALT Strategy - Pause when Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired

The HALT acronym reminds us to “Pause when Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.” These states can significantly affect self-control and decision-making:

  1. Hungry: Hunger affects focus and disposition. Take time to eat instead of postponing your nutritional needs.

  2. Angry: Anger can lead to impulsivity. Pausing allows time to manage emotions, reflect, and act constructively.

  3. Lonely: Loneliness distorts perspective. Pausing for self-compassion and self-care can lift your mood.

  4. Tired: Fatigue impairs judgment. Resting, sleeping, or taking a break helps you recharge.


The Benefits of Pausing


1. Improved Communication and Relationships


When we rush, we risk misspeaking or reacting impulsively, which can strain relationships. Pausing can significantly improve communication by giving us time to think before we speak. By recognizing moments when emotions are escalating and choosing to wait, you can avoid saying something you might later regret. This simple yet powerful habit helps protect and preserve the integrity of your relationships.


Respectful communication includes:

  • Not interrupting.

  • Resisting the urge to insert your story when someone shares theirs.

  • Thinking before sharing something confidential.

  • Paying attention to facial expressions, body language, and tone.


Think of a traffic light as a metaphor for managing conversations:

  • Green: Ordinary, free-flowing discussion.

  • Yellow: A cue to slow down as emotions rise or time to think is needed.

  • Red: A full stop to prevent harm.


Mindful pauses align with Miguel Ángel Ruiz’s principle from The Four AgreementsBe impeccable with your word. While perfection isn’t attainable, our efforts to communicate thoughtfully can strengthen connections and forge deeper relationships.


2. Better Performance


Pausing is a powerful tool for boosting productivity. It provides the necessary time to process and clarify information, allowing you to approach tasks with a fresh perspective. Have you ever returned to a task after a short break and noticed a significant improvement in accuracy or creativity? This is the principle behind the Pomodoro Technique, which recommends a short break every 25 minutes. These intervals help prevent burnout and maintain focus throughout the day.


Taking time off from work isn’t just a luxury; it’s essential for your physical and mental well-being. Claiming you’re “too busy” is not a valid excuse for avoiding well-deserved rest. Even U.S. presidents, who hold one of the most demanding jobs in the world, prioritized breaks to recharge. President Donald Trump, an avid golfer, pursued his passion for the game while managing the responsibilities of the Oval Office. President Joe Biden committed to frequent exercise, including cycling outdoors and on his Peloton. Similarly, President Obama maintained an active work routine and took breaks for basketball, golf, reading, and music. These activities helped clear their minds, renew their focus, and enhance their productivity and well-being.


3. Quieting the Inner Noise and Regaining Emotional Control


Eckhart Tolle describes internal chatter as “endless noise” that drains mental energy. Imagine your mind as a snow globe. When shaken, snowflakes swirl chaotically. Pausing is like setting the globe down, allowing the snowflakes to settle and clarity to return. Stillness lets us tune into our intuition while getting lost in our busyness. By pausing, we uncover insights already within us.


Pausing also positively impacts our emotional state. Although Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) may enter our minds uninvited, the power of the pause allows calmness to return. When anger, frustration, or hurt arise, pausing helps us regain control. This simple act creates the space to make better decisions—whether it’s refraining from sending a harsh email, avoiding an impulsive purchase, or choosing not to overreact.


4. Cultivating Patience and Intentional Living


Imagine a mother waiting ten minutes daily as her young child slowly gets dressed. She resists the urge to step in because she knows this practice builds his confidence and independence. Though waiting is challenging, she stays focused on the future rewards: a self-sufficient child and smoother routines. Her intentional pause turns frustration into meaningful growth.


In many instances, choosing to pause can lead to powerful outcomes:

·      We honor the pace of older people, showing respect for their life experiences.

·      We create space for kindness, manners, and mutual respect.

·      We pause to regroup and persist toward our goals with renewed determination when discouraged.


Pausing fosters patience and helps us create better outcomes that align with our values and goals.


5. Increased Awareness and Appreciation


Young adult hikers celebrate as they take in the view from the top of the mountain.
Young adult hikers celebrate as they take in the view from the top of the mountain.

While living on autopilot may seem efficient, it often pulls us away from what truly matters. By pausing, we reconnect with our values and approach life with greater intention.


Pausing allows us to notice life’s small wonders and cherish our blessings. It creates space to connect with others, cultivate gratitude, and stay present in the moment.


Slowing down enhances our sense of satisfaction and helps alleviate stress. Self-care isn’t a luxury—it’s essential. Acknowledging progress, whether our own or someone else’s, adds meaning to our lives, and celebrating small and significant milestones fosters joy and fulfillment.


These moments of pause aren’t just breaks; they’re investments in ourselves, empowering us to show up as our best selves.


How to Cultivate the Habit of Pausing


Start Small: Pause for a few seconds before responding to conversations.

  1. Create Rituals: Dedicate time daily for reflection, quiet walks, or journaling.

  2. Use Cues: Set visual or auditory reminders to take restorative breaks.

  3. Celebrate Success: Endorse yourself for progress.

  4. Balance Your Life: Regular pauses prevent living on autopilot, motivating change for well-being and happiness.

  5. Make a Plan: Identify strategies to use during stressful moments. For example, you could count to 10, take deep breaths, repeat a positive affirmation, shift your physical state or environment, take a break for self-care, or seek support from others. The plan will help you stay grounded and manage stress effectively.


Your Turn


How will pausing transform your life? Discover the power of the pause and unlock greater clarity, deeper connections, and a sense of control that will enrich your 20s and beyond. Embrace the moments of stillness that bring clarity to your thoughts, serenity to your mind, and unexpected joys to your journey. Slowing down isn’t just a choice—it’s a gift you give to yourself and your future.












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